I'm a bit disturbed by the comments here. You're making your problem his problem, when it's not. "Providing a … Yes. You aren't shot at for six months to a year straight. Just be in agreement before. Some who are born and die less than ten miles from their birthplace. There's no friends, no favorite restaurant, no known shortest route to the grocery store, etc. And some of those women are batshit CRAZY about being a ~military wife~. I really think there ought to be mandatory counseling before a service member gets married. At the beginning of this year Will told Sarah that he is finally going through with his dream and is now currently in boot camp. New York City Girl Hates Being a Marine Wife | Military.com Login I went across the country for college (and would never move back from where I am from) and it’s been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, so no, you’re not crazy for feeling the way you do. 2 days ago. In favor of moving, I think you need to save up to take regular vacations every 3 months. I agree. And this whole "it's so hard to be a military wife" bs? The phrase “pick your battles” doesn’t apply only to military combat; it is also relevant to relationship But how do you find such employers? She is in her 50's and a paranicious anemic. But, with many remote jobs, if you have to pack up and move, taking your job with you means you don’t have to quit doing something you love. I don't like the idea of living my entire life in one town. But there are so so many more harpies that screech at the gate guards for not saluting them because their husband is a butter bar. Or is this something you're insisting on now? If your spouse abandoned your family, you should be entitled to a portion of this allowance. That bumper sticker is a typo, it's supposed to say "Proud Posterior Army Wife ". But, just because the career of a military spouse takes precedence at one point, that doesn't mean it always will. If your military spouse doesn’t participate, it is noticed. By chance, where you live are you guys close to another town/city that possibly could be a compromise? We just had our first child. ... My husband is military and we got stationed overseas. My parents moved when I was young, it wasn't a big deal. I already feel isolated though, I don't hang out with anyone except my family. 13. What is it actually that you want? I don't know why some think its an insurmountable task to move with kids....its not, people do it all the time and have happy loving families. Rent out your current home and move to your chosen city for a certain period of time. But its still hard. You aren't ridiculous. I fucking despise the wild American Dependapotamus. Sarah can’t sleep at night and has changed a bit. Unit activities: This is a great way to stay connected to your spouse’s unit and participate in programs for families in the deployment cycle. Its frustrating. OP is feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled in the fact that she has been in the same town her whole life. I say that as someone who's right now in the middle of my 4th big move, this time 2,500 miles away from where I just was. It’s okay, though, to be a military spouse and worry about your career. Try out some new activities. Also don’t feel discouraged if it doesn’t go according to your birth plan. We love what we have here, but we have always discussed if myself or my wife got a offer in another city that would elevate our careers and pocket books that we would take that offer and have a change for a few years. You dont have to maintain physical readiness standards. Yes. If there’s any group that understands frequent moves, it’s military spouses. And I get homesick for home quite often. He has applied to jobs in other states to please me, but then will come back a few weeks later and say he changed his mind and wants to stay. One way to improve your chances is to scope out military spouse-friendly employers that can offer you supportive career opportunities and flexible jobs. Sorry OP. Some forums can only be seen by registered members. I know a woman who has an “Army Wife” bumper sticker. You aren't shot at for six months to a year straight. You may not think it but life is probably easier and simpler where you are having the resources you need and whats better for your kids. I also personally think he is scared to go outside of his comfort zone. Beforehand your service member, like a hopeful gold digger of old, told you tales of all the money you could make (maybe thousands of dollars!) Maybe I am fantasizing that moving will be better than the reality would present. You are not a staff sergeant because your husband is. Very very frustrating. Could it be possible that he would be hesitant because of housing costs etc that would put a train on things, having a good balance of that is important and moving to be more in debt or having to work more for fresh start isn't ideal when you have a kid. He doesn't see any wrongdoing. And to the folks that say that taking more vacations will fill that need, I honestly don't think it will. Got a burning unpopular opinion you want to share? He isn't involved in much other than work and video gaming, which he could do anywhere. While I suspect some of the reluctance military families feel stems from lack of control, I think more so, it’s about not knowing what to expect. I like having a few very close friends. I don't like constantly running into people from high school. You said family is supportive--do they watch your baby as needed? Just my 2 cents. But I know more who were already counting down their final days in Japan before even arriving. I have the chance to possibly move overseas with my country and my wife hopes I get that chance, so our kid and ourselves could experience a different culture. In my career I have colleges that have moved across country with families. Traveling will definitely offset that desire for adventure. But just in my experience and opinion, I wouldnt make it a permanent thing because it wont take too long for you to feel even more isolated than you did before. Military financial offices are not used to help military personnel buy or sell items of any kind. Doesn’t every military spouse feel like this at some point? We have been discussing it for a year, and neither of is willing to budge. They are not about you, they are about him and being military. Am I being ridiculous for wanting to move when we have a good thing going here? The fantasy is way different from the hardships of reality. It’s okay to want to kick just as much ass in your career as your spouse is in theirs. My husband is a homebody and a huge family guy. Good news for you: Being a military spouse can actually make some parts of going back to school easier. You don’t have to go to Coach parties. What Should I Expect in a Divorce? Officers wives have pitched fits for having to show their ID or not getting a salute. How do you know moving will fill the adventure void? Flight Talk: A Family Conversation is a podcast that shares the experiences of military spouses and veterans. If it's you changing the terms of your marriage, then it's on you to deal with it. Unfortunately my spouse does not want to move across the country (approx 1500 miles away). New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the unpopularopinion community. Having a job that can travel with them and be a constant in an inconsistent environment is important. I desire to move somewhere, anywhere, new. It was horrible! She isn’t as talkative as usual and doesn’t make plans anymore . Press J to jump to the feed. Other military spouses have tenure or a senior position in their chosen field, can’t transfer jobs, or want to set themselves up for their own career goals after military retirement. Let me say this first. Give it about a two-year tryout, for example, and reassess the situation. Do you work? I’d love to know where one goes to get shot at for 6-12 months straight. For many spouses, those sacrifices include their own career advancement. We intended to move onto new things after a few years. The military is culturally progressive when it comes to marriage. Clearly you lived somewhere else while you got an education, and now you aren't able to use that education due to the lack of opportunities in your town. You are not anything special or better than the average wife supporting her husband. If your military spouse doesn’t participate, it is noticed. If the most interesting thing about yourself that you can come up with is your marriage to someone who does a certain job, you need to re-evaluate. I don't like the idea of our child having the exact same childhood we had. You dont have to maintain physical readiness standards. Be patient, you have a young child that you have family to help with and if your husband becomes more unhappy that will help your position. My stepmom always wears one of those "I'm a navy wife" t shirts and it always annoys the fuck out of me. I work, but the environment is what I would describe as toxic. Once we got engaged and then had to plan the wedding – we discussed what that mean for our “living” arraignments. Stay connected to other military spouses or support programs. It looks like I'm one of the few people here that think it's totally reasonable to want to move away from the same town you grew up in. To Help You Figure Out If Marriage Is Even Worth It, Here's A Look At What Men Say Are The Biggest Regrets They Have About Getting Married. There's no short or easy answer to this. Just having my first kid, I could say if family was closer it would be a huge plus in the pocket book. Kim – I wanted to thank you for this article. I appreciate the honesty. In fact, thousands of military spouses gather each year at military events and conferences to encourage one another in professional and personal development. Also, my stepmom met my dad long after he retired anyways. Thank you! You've done nothing. You Feel Like You're Settling. We immediately ran into some unforeseen circumstances. More spouses should think like you do, but there are so many that think their spouse's service entitles them to some sort of phantom respect that they haven't earned. You dont have to bury fallen brothers and sisters. Military Spouse is your premiere online milspouse community, with resources on all things military life, marriage, military spouse jobs and education, pcs moves, military discounts, and more! The former spouse was married to the military member for at least 20 years at the time of the divorce, dissolution or annulment. If you move and he's miserable, its YOUR fault. When you're picking your life partner, you should *never* feel like you're … Your divorce can move forward amicably and at a reasonable pace. Deciding to move. Try to plan a trip aboard (or somewhere in the country if you're in a budget). My husband doesn't. That's incredibly invaluable! I wouldn't move closer to have that :) But if I had it I wouldn't move away from it. Military Spouse is your premiere online milspouse community, with resources on all things military life, marriage, military spouse jobs and education, pcs moves, military discounts, and more! New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. While the military as an institution … The travel idea might help you - there's a huge world out there and you can go to some exotic places for less than you might think. You can definitely take yourself out of your comfort zone without moving. My husband saw the benefits on his own and proactively asked and that’s when we went. It just means you put … Especially when raising children? And if you move and are miserable, you suffer in silence. A place for sharing the for-better and for-worse of marriage. Flight Talk: A Family Conversation is a podcast that shares the experiences of military spouses and veterans. Many military spouses report that they lose significant family income when moving from state to state. So yeah, I definitely agree. ... Tag: military move. I think I would've gone nuts if I stayed in the same place that I grew up in and lived for years. For the first time in my life I’m thinking of bringing us back to my hometown and settling until we’re done with small kids. It doesn’t mean you served your country, it doesn’t mean you’re better than anyone. I really don't understand why you are out of line for wanting to move? It just means you put up with some serious bullshit sometimes like anyone else. Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. The Military Spouse Group Survey. Dump the kids off at Grandmas and go! As a military spouse, you probably bear the brunt of a PCS move. It doesn’t make you less supportive of your spouse. I do not have many career opportunities in this small town. Reluctant spouse doesn't want to move (wife, long distance, married, love) User Name: Remember Me: Password : Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Now she tells me that she doesn’t want to leave until her son graduates in six more years. For many spouses, those sacrifices include their own career advancement. I’ve never understood people who can live in one place their entire life. I had the job and am being relocated so it's all plotted out. ... realize I am the victim of verbal abuse and my spouse doesn’t see it. Answer: I'm very sorry you feel this way. I'm writing this in incognito mode because I don't want there to be a trace of this story. No Result In my opinion, the window for you to have moved on a whim has passed. If something isn't broken why try and fix it? Finding a job in a new state can be a challenge, especially if there are state-specific licensing and certification requirements. But being a military spouse doesn’t mean that you can’t also have your own fulfilling career. Even spouses who drag their feet in a divorce don’t necessarily control the process. Then they post on facebook every single day about how they’re a proud military wife. I will regret living in this town my entire life and never seeing the country. Totally agree with this! It sounds like you're in need of adventure, not necessarily a move. For those reading this not from a military background and just want a sense of military life BAH stands for "Basic Allowance for Housing". None of us will admit it to him, but we all now tell each other and ourselves the same thing. If someone wanted to put me in hell, they would force me to live in my hometown for the rest of my life. The first thing that came to mind for me reading your post was trying to see a different view for your husband as well. Expert advice on what kind of PCS move is best for you. ... Military Spouse … And to cover the sexist angle, I've seen men married to service women do the same stupid shit. Moving sucks, starting over is hard, sooo many unforeseen circumstances and things that you have to learn to adapt too. I’ve moved a lot, my husband and I have lived in three countries together. I think it’s ridiculous that they make a plaque every time someone successfully takes a shit, but just as ridiculous for presenting me with an award for doing nearly nothing. She doesn't like military life, has nothing in common with other spouses, and doesn't see a way to save her marriage. If you can show him how much more money you can make and how the cost of living in a new place might compare, then he could consider this from a positive orientation (“Here is a proposal based on information“) rather than a negative one (“I’m bored, I don’t have friends, my job is lame.”). and I didn’t move for my husband. Even half an hour away will change the dynamic.”. I'm all about change but isn't there something to be said about stability and being surrounded by people that support and nurture you? There are a lot of great military spouses out there that work and take care of shit at home during a deployment. But don't throw a dart at a map and move there just because. Reevaluate and stay or move back. We never have to worry about money, we're taken care of completely, we get to live all over the world, and I'm just tagging along for the ride because I got a good hubby. The former spouse was married to the military member for at least 20 years at the time of the divorce, dissolution or annulment. Short-timers. When we got married we agreed to move home since he got a good job offer in town, but we viewed it as a starting point. There is rarely a good opportunity to convince them if it isn’t their idea. We’re used to starting over, no family help, but with a child.... omg, insanity. These 12 Companies Want to Hire You. My husband is not military he doesn't have to salute anyone lol he loves it because it pisses them off so much. ... “Therapy” is not an accessible or helpful option to many people and Reddit seems to think that’s the perfect solution to every problem. Plus the whole high rate of cheating thing when their husbands are deployed. The mission comes first. You married a military man, and part of that marriage is supporting your spouse and his career. IS THERE ANY WAY THE COURT CAN DIVIDE THE RETIRED PAY SO I DON'T HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL MY HUSBAND RETIRES? To be fair to your husband, he has his life the way he wants it and you're trying to take it away making a bet that moving fulfills some need for you. The military LOVES giving awards. If it hadn’t been his decision then I there would have been a lot more mutual discomfort. We know this can seem like a scary time. Veterans Day 2020: Kimberly Bryant, military spouse, shares what she learned about resilience after her husband came home with a brain injury Change is a good thing. It doesn’t mean you served your country, it doesn’t mean you’re better than anyone. I agree with this. I’m going to get her out the house this Tuesday to just hang out and chill to distract her a bit. They’ve given me several. You don’t even need to update this if your family moves and you no longer have any contacts in that state. "Marriage is about sacrifice, about one person's job taking precedence right now, with the understanding that the other spouse’s needs will take precedence in the future," DiSilverio said. Some states, such as California, allow payments to be made under court order while the member is still on active duty. Ugh they are the worst. NO. My preferred school is in an area with a higher cost of living and we would have to find reasonable housing for us and our (fairly large) dog. These 12 Companies Want to Hire You. You don’t have to go to Coach parties. She wanted out before she had any more feelings but, he didn’t go so she stayed. If you do move mid-pregnancy, you can easily switch to Tricare Standard instead of Select which allows you to choose the hospital and medical center you get your prenatal care at. I am a military wife and I ABSOLUTELY agree. 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